Nov 6, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Gevalt

Oh this is getting interesting. I don't know who the man is but I wouldn't say I'm confused at all, simply intrigued. I'm glad the crow is still there. I enjoy him too. You descriptions are well written and set the scene beautifully without being too much. I liked the transitions between the man and the sad woman. It felt almost cinematic but in a good way.

There was only one thing I wasn't a fan of and that was the poofs. I don't think you need them at all. You could use an ellipse or even just a full stop between. It makes total sense what is happening there.

Well donel This is brilliant!

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Thank you so much. Thanks for reading AND responding.

You and Steve are agreed about the Poofs.

I will be rewriting that section. Poofs be gone!

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Geoffrey, this is wonderful. A little confusing at the moment, yes, but in a good way. Because the narratorial voice is confident and consistent, I as reader am happy to be carried along, assured that I'll understand everything – or as much as I need to – in the end.

Possibly more POOF!s than would be to my taste at the end there. It's a bit of a change of register, a bit too cartoony for me and tears me out of this magical world you've drawn me into.

This is just on a first reading, without listening yet to your recording – which I'm looking forward to. It's writing which requires the respect of an uninterrupted read.

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I so appreciate you taking the time to read this and to comment. As a writer, you know how important that is.

Another person wrote me to say they found this a little confusing. I took a chance by posting this excerpt from the draft -- particularly since I had another piece about the man and the crow -- but I was curious as to how people might react.

What is particularly telling in your comment is about the tone. I don't think I've yet quite nailed the relationship between the two and the voice of the crow. You are right, the exchange at the end is a bit too divergent from the intense sadness the man has felt from Winifred Godding.

And the timing of your comment is spot on. I am finishing up the latest revision (have to get it to the editor by Monday) and I am very dissatisfied with a reivison of another exchange between the two. For just the reasons you state -- the tone is not quite right.

Again, thanks so much. It means a lot to me.

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